Just 99 miles to go

Monday, June 23, 2008

Wardrobe malfunction-Cranky Monkey Pre ride.

Myself, Barry, Matt, Mike T, and Doc made it down to Quantico on Sunday for a pre ride of the course for the race next weekend.
This was Barrys and matts first time to see the course.

I'm afraid that my decent riding was over shadowed by an accident that I had in the first 3rd of the course.
So far I had been riding good. I was making hills that I had to walk last year and the course didn't seem as twisty or sandy as I remember.
I'm going up an ascent and at the top you gotta make a hard right onto a steeper,short, rooty pitch.
I remember it from last year and I had never made it up this pitch.
I'm at the very top of the ascent and my tire spins out on a root.
I lose all forward momentum and fall over side ways still clipped in.
I fall right next to tree that has this short broken limb about 6" from the ground.
My ass takes a direct hit on the sharp end of this limb.
I'm trying to get up before rest of the group catches up but my shorts keep catching on something.
Finally I get unsnagged, unclipped, and I'm up.
"Why does my ass feel cool"?
Sure enough, the limb had ripped a huge hole outta my shorts and 3/4 of my left ass cheek was out there for the worlds review.
As I'm there pondering the situation and possible fixes the rest of the group catches up.
Now the comedy starts.
After 5 minutes of throwing ideas back and forth, and being let down that Mike isn't carrying his whole roll of duct tape, we just ride. I do give let everyone know though, if I see one camera come out of a camelback, somebodys going to die.
I'm 43. I really don't give a shit. (Live it, love it, just don't let it destroy you!)
Atleast most of the other riding groups are ahead of us.

We take off, although I notice Mike jumped to the lead. I guess he didn't like the view.
10 minutes later we come upon a resting group and of course what does it consist of .
1 guy and 2 girls in there 20's.
I give them a big smile, wave and ask them to avert there eyes for a moment as I pass.
Now if somebody asks you to look away for a minute do you listen?
Hell no, you look evan harder.
I just rode by with the giggles fading into the distance.

We get to a spot where you need to either ride over or around a ramped log. Its between 3 an 4 feet high and looks kinda intimidating. We stop here to let the group get a good look and retry it.
BTW, the girl group has caught back up and are also analyzing the log.
I want to show Matt and Barry the logs not that bad and try to go over it in the oppisite direction.
My tire digs in at the bottom of ramp, I start to endo, my saddle gets caught on hole in my shorts, and I'm down. I'm laying face down on this ramped log with my bike laying ontop of me the saddle stuck in my shorts, with Mr. cheek fully exposed saying hi to everyone.

The only "good" thing I can say about my riding "buddies" is that the laughter didn't start until after they found out I was alright.
Doc told me afterwards he heard one of the girls say "wow" as I was lying there.
Now as to weather she was referring to my ability to take a fall without killing myself, or the blinding effect why lily white butt had while poking through my black shorts, is still under debate.

I decided it best to leave after the lap.
The actual ride itself was good.
If I don't need counseling, the race next weekend should be good.



DaveG said...

Dude, I was actually laughing out loud reading this. I hope your ass didn't get a sunburn....

Eric B said...

Tommy, you kill me. Sorry but that is just hysterical. I was also laughing out loud and probably will next for the several hours.

randyg said...

wow, that's really funny dude